Beginners Mind

I sit in meditation. My practice begins. The way of Zen would ask me to just be in practice, which is in original nature. I pass through the many veils of consciousness and into a state that is relatively sticky. My practice begins. My attention alerts me to the changing emotions and the subsequent shame in my feelings, the guilt of being a bad meditator who is caught in a personal drama. My practice begins. These feelings are often followed by a naturally arising aversion. In the stillness I observe the movements of a seemingly vivid reality. I am becoming aware of my attachment to this way of being, for better or worse. My practice begins.
I make a decision to put aside the shame and expectations for a moment, and to sit with this person who is caught in the drama. My practice begins. I am reminded that I am both this person, caught in a drama, and the One who is aware of this person. The One who is aware of the emotional state (fear, guilt, bliss, etc) and who is aware of the attachment to the inner drama is not afraid or attached to outcome. My practice begins. A thought comes up, ‘When I am not this person, Who am I?’. There is silence. ‘When I am not my fear, or my worry, who am I at that time?’. My practice begins.
It occurs to me again that I am both the person who experiences ups and downs and also the one who is aware of that person. I am both, yet, I am neither.
I complete my meditation, bow deeply, and rise from my cushion. My practice begins.